I did a short version of this letter on Instagram. But I decided to write it without any limitation. Now that I am thirty years old, I think it’s the best moment to think about who I was… And what I would have loved to hear.
Here we are ! 2019 started. We all took our new resolutions ! Walk way are full of people by new morning runners, gym just made their best money… Books about losing weight are out of stock in every library et we all made this promise : in 2019, we will take care of ourselves. Me, for this year, I decided to learn something new.
A few years ago, Mathilde decided to live abroad. I met Mathilde in high school and we don’t talk anymore. It’s just life, there is no reason, but I keep our conversations in mind. Mathilde is a young lady, really sweet and quiet. A bit discreet but really brave. When I think about her again, I realized that I learned a lot from her. But why do I talk about Mathilde ? Only because she is the one thanks to I am not scared to do new things. I’ll tell you how.
I was talking about something with a friend and she told me, laughing, that I was becoming a feminist. When we talk about feminism, we talk about Femen and other groups of activists. We only think about groups considered as radical. But to be feminist is not an insult. Feminism is essential in a world built by and for men.
The first time I went to Bali, it was in March 2013. I arrived there for my 24th birthday. My mom gifted me a night in a villa with my own pool. It was after four months travelling around Asia with Juliette, and I just needed a bit of comfort. I didn’t know this day, and I realized it later but this first night was the beginning of a big and long love story.
There is a huge marketing when it’s about being an expatriate, traveling and all this life abroad. You just have to check the Instagram account of travelers and all the video on YouTube. Emotional music and strong pictures recorded with the last GoPro. It’s easy to find an online training that will tell you what you have to do to make any beaches as your office. To leave for a life abroad means that you are brave, curious and open-minded. You are lucky because you live abroad. But why nobody never talks about the bad side of the expatriation?
Most of the time, expatriation is seen as a dream. We always take about expatriation in dreams country. Finish the life in small cities and hello life in villas next to the sea side ! Apparently, expatriation is synonymous of parties without ending and chilling as much as you can. However, nobody talks about one of the hardest part of the expatriation : the blues of the expatriate. So, what is this ?
Kuwait is my first expatriation. Also, it was the first I moved alone, the first time I will do something else than teaching French as a Foreign Language. First time I will spend more than five months far from my family. And it was the first time I will have my life in another language than mine…
So I am twenty nine and a half, as say the little kids in my class. Almost thirty and still single. Not married, not divorced, no kids and not planning to have some ! When I was a kid, I thought that being thirty years old was being a mom. So how do I live being single at almost thirty years old?
Before leaving for Kuwait, I was a non-smoker. And I went back to smoking when I arrive in Kuwait. It’s easier to meet colleagues – they are all in the smoking room – it gives you something to do and it helps to make bonds with people. To be clear : socially, smoking always helped me ! But I decided, 48 hours ago, to quit smoking.