The 28 of August 2019, I landed in Kuwait for the fifth year in a row. As an expat, I feel like I am living smalls movings every summer. Every time I leave France to go to Kuwait, my suitcase is full and my heart a bit heavy. But I am also super excited and I can’t wait to be back in my flat.
Happy to drive my car in the streets I know, happy to be back in my routine. But this year, it was different. Let me tell you why.
A new team
I’ve always said that I won’t talk about my job here but to explain the whole mood, I have to mention that. Last June, the director of the school and the coordinator in Kindergarten left the school.
I am the kind of person who needs feelings, affection, in all the aspects of my life. Even in a restaurant, if the waiter is not nice, if he is not friendly, I won’t spend a good time. I love to create bonds with people, even if they are ephemeral.
It has been hard for me to realize – and accept – that the person who hired me and the one who taught me how to be a good teacher were about to leave. I cried a lot, every time we had a farewell. So, I started summer a bit worried about how will it be in September.
A hard back to the normal
So, I basically wrote everywhere that I came back easily from the Way of Saint James. I told you that my mom cam to Finisterra and then we went to Porto and finally back to Paris. Where I easily started my rehab to not need to walk anymore.
In reality, I got the slap in my face
I just feel heavy from being too empty. It’s weird to say it in that way, but it’s exactly how I feel. Full of emptiness. I want to go out, walk around, breathe fresh hair in a forest, I want to spend time with people I know and who knows me. I don’t want to speak English in the desert, and I want to talk with people who understands me.
And I am in this kind of period of life, where nobody understands me because nobody around me walked 870 kilometers. So nobody can understand that I feel like someone took a piece of my freedom. This time, I don’t cry, I am just trying to be back in real life.
A bit of boredom
After two months far from your house, when you’re back, you have to take care of really factual things. I need to throw away the plants that didn’t make it during summer, do groceries, unpack and clean my classroom. It’s like a slow-rush. It feels like running in the sand : you get tired but you kind of don’t move.
I am exhausted but I don’t move. But I have nothing else to do than keep going.
So I called my mom and I told her look, I am just bored, that’s it, I am just super bored. I was used to be busy by walking around, talking long long walks, just looking around and enjoying the small details of life. And now, I am stuck in such a small place.
No sadness, just boredom. I am the kind of person who doesn’t mind to be bored but now, it’s just too heavy.
Living abroad, for how long ?
This year is the first one when I am wondering for how long I will stay in Kuwait. The good part is that it’s easy for me to be honest with myself!
I know for a fact that Kuwait was my first – and last – experience of life abroad. I understood that, even if it’s a country full of flaws, it stays the country I want to live in.
But for now, if I take a one-way back to France, I will have to go live again in my parents’ house… To be honest, I really don’t wan’t that. So I seriously thought about what to do, and when ?
The good thing is, I see the future being a bit more clear. I still trust life, as I’ve ever did. But it’s kind of a revelation : I need to think about the future.
My good resolutions
I think that, live every teacher, my real year starts in September and finish in June. July and August are two weird months, it’s a real break, it’s time to meet ourselves again. We are not teachers anymore, we are a real person.
This year, I decided to be part of an amazing and huge trail that will happen in July. It means I need to prepare myself physically but also mentally. I need to lose two or three kilos of fat so be careful of what I eat. The real preparation will start in January but I need to be back in running now.
I am thinking about opening a small business in Kuwait, but I really need to think about it so it’s still a secret. I am full of ideas and now I just need to work hard to make it real.
In one word
This year 2019 – 2020 will be a year just for me. I won’t be in a rush, I will take my time to prepare a lot of things instead of just rushing it.
After a month of slow-traveling (to cross a country walking, what is it if it’s not slow-traveling ?) I decided that my life will be slower. I will just take the time I need. To write in this blog, to think about my ideas and how make it work. To learn new things and just enjoy it, actually !
I wish you an amazing back to school period and a beautiful year. You, do you have